£100k on IVF AND I REGRET EVERY PENNY!

Emma Kemsley put everything into having a baby, and then changed her mind

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Staring at yet another negative pregnancy test, I felt nothing. There were no tears, no heartbreak. It was my ninth IVF cycle, but I felt completely emotionally detached from the process. I'd forgotten what I was doing IVF for.

I no longer associated it with having a baby. Costly injections, expensive supplements and surgeries had become my normality. Clinics would prey on my desperation, suggesting additional tests and experimental treatments – all of which came with a hefty price tag. My husband James and I were working and saving to fund a medical addiction, sacrificing our finances, happiness and wellbeing.

It was 2022 and I had spent six years in a continuous cycle of IVF. I was 35 and stuck between wanting to live freely, but also caught in the grasp of baby fever.

All my friends had children, and celebrations like Christmas revolved around them. I wanted to be part of that club, but I eventually realised it was time to quit. Looking back, I regret every single treatment.

Health hurdles

James, 41, a small business owner, and I had been married for two years before we started trying for a baby in 2016. As a woman with severe stage 4 endometriosis – a condition where cells similar to those in the lining of your uterus grow in other parts of your body – I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

Alongside excruciating pain and heavy periods, surgery had revealed my fertility was compromised and I'd likely need help to conceive. The endometriosis had damaged my reproductive organs, colon, bowel and bladder. When I also had to have my fallopian tubes removed in 2019, my fate was sealed – IVF was the only option. I headed into my first IVF cycle, which I got via the NHS, feeling hopeful.