The art of complaining

Making a fuss. Whining. Grumbling. Complaining is often looked at as a negative, but if you learn how to finesse the art, great things can happen.

- WHITNEY GOODMAN

Complaining has a really bad reputation. Articles and gurus insist that too much complaining will “lower your vibration” and stop you achieving your dream, having friends and living the life you want. They suggest that you cut out negativity from your life, especially people who complain.

But humans love to complain. I know this because I get paid to sit with people while they vent, complain and process every week. Complaining does serve a real purpose in our lives, and once we discover how to effectively integrate it, great things can happen.

Dr Robin Kowalski, a prominent researcher of complaining behaviour, found those who complain with the hopes of achieving a certain result tend to be happier. Complaining helps us feel better, influences how people see us, creates social bonds, allows us to gather information, encourages empathy, and helps create real change. It plays a very important role in our lives and is a skill that, when used correctly, can be extremely effective. The goal is not to eliminate complaining from your life, but make it more effective and adaptive. When we complain effectively, we can achieve the closeness, support and change we all crave.

Is it worth complaining about?

I like to divide complaints into categories: “high-level” and “low-level” complaints. High-level complaints are those big-ticket items that have a large impact. Low-level complaints are typically daily annoyances or frustrations. You want to pay attention to your high-level complaints. These are the types of admissions that really mean something and are usually a bid for connection.

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