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SPOILER ALERT! JASON STATHAM JUMPS EVEN BIGGER SHARKS IN 'MEG 2.' (ALSO, DINOSAURS)

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Techlife News #615

Before we, ahem, dive into our review of “Meg 2,” a few fun facts on the Megalodon, the titular real-life prehistoric shark, according to some unusually detailed production notes from the studio:

SPOILER ALERT! JASON STATHAM JUMPS EVEN BIGGER SHARKS IN 'MEG 2.' (ALSO, DINOSAURS)

It weighed up to 50 tons (45 metric tons) and exceeded 60 feet (18 meters) in length. Its vertebrae were the size of a large dinner plate — no salad plates here! There’s “no likelihood” that any actually survived to this day (we’d feel better with “no chance,” but OK.) And, its jaw was so wide, it could swallow two adults side by side.

We know what you’re thinking, and so are we: Jack and Rose could’ve BOTH fit into that jaw! Case closed. James Cameron, are you listening? Way to nip a controversy in the bud.

In any case, no Jack and Rose in this film, but there are plenty of other people who get swallowed, chomped on, or masticated in “Meg 2: The Trench,” directed by Ben Wheatley, a film that screams: “Sequel! What do we do NOW?” And so there’s more, more and more. More Megs. More problems. More ludicrous plot points, more cartoonish villains, and more dialogue cheesier than an overripened Brie wheel left out on a picnic table.

But also, in the film’s saving grace, more Jason Statham, whose gruff but amiable veneer has a calming effect on the proceedings. Elsewhere, playing off other stars, Statham can seem stiff, or one-note. Here, he’s in his element, and that same style is a comfort. (Then again, it could be he’s the only character written with even a dollop of charisma.)

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