RIDE BEYOND LIMITS GETTING CONTROL UNDER CONTROL

Jani Brajkovič rose to cycling's top tier but his pursuit of perfection was becoming a dangerous obsession

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Throughout his 17-year professional cycling career, Jani Brajkovič was never truly satisfied. “I had a great ability to put a mask on and pretend to be happy, proud and confident, but I knew I was in big trouble,” the 41-year-old tells CW by video call from his home in Novo Mesto, Slovenia. By 2004, the year he became U23 time trial world champion, a serious problem had set in: he had become addicted to cycling. “I started with no knowledge of cycling, aged 17, and as a junior would ride 1,200km a week with only one day off.”

Along with the compulsive training came compulsive control of his eating. “There were parts of my life that I didn't like and didn't have control over,” says Brajkovič. “Riding my bike and eating copious amounts of food felt liberating. But it was a vicious circle: eat, purge, then binge again.” Bulimia, the cycle of bingeing and purging, had a vice-like grip on him.

A studious young man, Brajkovič wasn't naive to the effect of his lifestyle. “I read and analyse a lot, and I knew what I was doing was a plan for destruction,” the Slovenian says, “but I wasn't strong enough to seek help. I was very introverted, and when you have an eating disorder your self-respect and self-confidence are below zero.” It didn't matter that he competed in 11 Grand Tours or rode for some of the biggest teams - Discovery Channel, RadioShack and Astana - as a pro cyclist, he always felt alone, unsupported and in a downward spiral.

But now, more than two decades on, he's come through the other side and is determined to help others. “I knew other people with similar problems who couldn't find the answers, so I wanted to help them.”

Cycle of self-abuse