CLOSE TO THE BONE

Having survived an eating disorder, Micheál Costello calls for cycling to address its dangerous culture around food and weight.

- Micheál Costello

Cyclists chase watts per kilo with obsessive precision - but what's the real cost of pursuing extreme leanness? While stories of disordered eating in the pro peloton occasionally make headlines, the true scale of the issue remains dangerously underacknowledged, especially among male riders. I know this from experience.

In 2020, I was diagnosed with anorexia. Now, looking back, I realise the first signs I showed of an eating disorder came in 2018, at the age of 22. I had started controlling what I ate as a way of coping with adult life, having finished my education and stepped into the wider world. I felt a sense of solace and achievement in limiting my food, and I was motivated to continue, particularly as society rewarded the 'discipline' of my slowly shrinking frame. Well-meaning friends and family told me I was beginning to look like a “real athlete”. To almost everyone, I was thriving, young, and keen to stay fit - a perception that suited me fine. The shame that accompanies an eating disorder turned me into a great liar, an expert at hiding my struggles, and over time, as my behaviours continued to go unchallenged - or were even praised - they gradually became more pronounced.