Forget the decline of civilisation, watch your wrist!

Thanks to the relentless march of technology, I have officially become a human Tamagotchi.

- with Richard Ord

Kids of the Nineties will remember the hand-held electronic pets you had to feed, water and exercise to keep alive.

Courtesy of an impulse-buy Fitbit watch, I am, by proxy, the human version of the Japanese toy craze.

This time, instead of a soulless bundle of chips and wires emitting whistles and beeps, you've got a sluggish lump of sinew and veins emitting grimaces and bleats!

When my new sports watch says 'walk', I walk. When it says 'drink water', I drink water.

It is constantly on my case over steps taken, sleep achieved and activity levels logged.