Watch out for the 'glass child'

Psychologists say parents should look out for signs that the sibling of a child with special needs is not coping well

- Venessa Lee

There was an incident in Ms Isabelle Lee's childhood that scared her so much that she kept it a secret for years.

When she was seven, she was doing her homework when she realised that her four-year-old brother was not playing with his toys like she had thought.

Emmanuel Lee, who has special needs, had taken some pearls from a broken necklace and crammed them into his mouth, making him gag and vomit.

Ms Lee, now 19 and about to enter university, recalls: "My grandmother, who was with us at home, scolded me very badly. I retreated to a corner of the room because she was so fierce. I was scared that my parents would scold me too. I always remember that incident, but there were no conversations afterwards, in which I could bring it up."

She told her mother about this episode only on the day of this interview, while preparing to meet The Straits Times.

Since she was in primary school, Ms Lee has been helping to care for her brother.

"I had to make sure he completed his homework, that he ate well, that he drank enough water," she says, adding that she feels her family members expected her to keep him safe.

When he was younger, Emmanuel often threw tantrums when he did not want to do his work, whining and crying until she got frustrated, she recalls. This went on until she told him he could go play.

Born two months premature and spending his first year in and out of hospital, Emmanuel was diagnosed at two years old with global developmental delay. This is when a child does not meet milestones in two or more areas of development, such as motor and cognitive skills.

Emmanuel was later diagnosed with apraxia, a neurological disorder that involves difficulties with speech; dyspraxia, which affects movement and coordination; dyslexia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and autism.