Understanding the realities of mental health caregiving

At 29, he still runs to his mother's bedroom when he has a nightmare.

- Tim Oei

His compulsions — repeatedly flicking light switches on and off, obsessively ensuring items are in their exact spots, and even showering for hours — are routines that provide him with temporary relief from his anxiety.

His mother knows that such behavior is part of his coping mechanism, the rituals that help him manage his obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). While she understands and tolerates them, her husband and daughter have struggled, especially in the early years when his symptoms first appeared.

The mother, one of my colleagues, is familiar with the unspoken weight of being a caregiver. It's not uncommon for her to apologize for missing work to be at the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) with her son or to manage a family crisis. I've seen photos of him in the hospital, strapped to a bed, and it's her strength, her unwavering resolve to support him — and that of other caregivers — that keeps me going in my new role.

Over the past five months, leading the combined operations of Caregivers Alliance Limited (CAL) and Resilience Collective, I've witnessed firsthand how mental illness disrupts not only the lives of those living with it but equally, if not more, those of their caregivers as well.

Many people ask how my first 100 days have been, and I answer honestly: I've been on a listening journey, through conversations with my colleagues, events at CAL, and discussions with psychiatrists.

For those living with mental illness and their caregivers, normality is robbed, days become chaotic, careers are halted or eventually given up, savings are depleted, and familial ties broken.