Bullying in schools: Where are the adult role models?

Tackling bullying in schools requires outstanding adult role models — not fault-finding.

- June Yong

When bullying occurs, it is tempting to see the children involved as either "bullies" or "victims." There's no in-between, and we easily fall into the trap of demanding justice for the "victim" and insisting on punishment for the "bully."

These labels feel intuitive and satisfying — they help us channel outrage. After all, bullying evokes deep emotions shaped by our own personal experience — and the fear among parents that the same thing could happen to our children. I can still recall how powerless I felt when I was bullied in kindergarten by a classmate, who would often ignore my calls for her to shift her chair just so I could walk out and use the bathroom.

But reality is rarely so simple. Recent research reveals that children's involvement in bullying is dynamic and fluid, varying across roles and over time. A child might assume the role of an aggressor in one, a target in another and a bystander later on. Branding children as any of these risks hardening identities, eroding agency and masking the deeper causes behind their behaviour.

Having this perspective is particularly timely, coming soon after the recent bullying case at Sengkang Green Primary School, which prompted calls for stronger action.

Education Minister Desmond Lee acknowledged that schools can do better. But if we want enduring change, we parents should look beyond fault-finding and punishment in school and focus on what matters the most: the adult role models children learn from every day at home and in the family.

BEYOND PUNISHMENT AND LABELS

Labelling can damage children in ways punishment cannot fix. When a child is called a "bully," the label may feed into their identity and reinforce the very behaviours adults hope to curb. Correcting behaviour — not condemning the child — is more effective. Calling out dishonesty or aggression is necessary; branding a child "bad" is not.