THE 4 HORSEMEN OF DIVORCE ACCORDING TO LOVE RESEARCHERS

IF YOU and your partner struggle to communicate, you're not alone. Relationships can feel like an uphill battle when arguments pile up and moments of connection become rare.

- VUYILE MADWANTSI

Maybe it feels like there's no way to break the cycle of misunderstandings, hurt feelings and frustration. But what if the key to saving your relationship lies in avoiding a few critical pitfalls?

Love researchers John and Julie Gottman, the founders of the renowned Gottman Institute, have studied relationships for decades.

Their research has identified four destructive communication habits they call the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" of relationships.

These behaviours - criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt - can predict divorce with over 90% accuracy if left unchecked. Understanding and addressing these behaviours could help you build a healthier, happier partnership.

1. Criticism: The habit of attacking your partner

We all get frustrated sometimes, but when normal complaints turn into toxic criticism, it can damage your relationship. Criticism targets your partner's character rather than focusing on the specific issue at hand.

For example:

• "You never listen to me. You always care more about your friends than me."

Words like "never" and "always" generalise and make your partner feel attacked, leading to defensiveness (another horseman). Instead, try constructive communication.

Focus on how you feel and what you need:

"I feel hurt when I don't feel heard. Can we set aside time to talk?"By avoiding blame and emphasising your feelings, you can bring up concerns without turning them into a personal attack.

2. Defensiveness: The shield that blocks accountability