Playing the victim in style

As a new study sheds light on an under-discussed aspect of narcissism, Olivia Petter asks if we’ve been getting it wrong this whole time and what the consequences of that may be

- Olivia Petter

Today, everyone and their mother is a narcissist. That’s the general consensus on social media, anyway, where even the slightest misgiving – not replying to texts, arriving 10 minutes late or even wearing odd socks! – is enough to diagnose someone with a controversial and potentially dangerous personality.

You might think I’m being hyperbolic but I’m not; take a look for yourself at the litany of videos on TikTok and Instagram listing different “signs the person you’re dating might be a narcissist”. A brief foray presents me with symptoms such as “he gets mad when people criticise him” (social media’s narcissists are almost always male, by the way), “he’s a perfectionist” and “he loves compliments”.

Don’t get me wrong, combined with other behavioural aspects, some of these things could well contribute to a narcissistic profile. But consuming them in short, quippy videos that are often under 30 seconds doesn’t provide the necessary context and nuance required to actually understand what constitutes narcissism. And even while some of these videos are compiled by legitimate psychologists who want to help victims of narcissistic abuse identify what is happening to them (personality disorders, which include narcissistic personality disorder, are woefully underdiagnosed), the majority are clickhungry charlatans looking for their next viral hit.