'My family don't know my flatmate is my girlfriend'

For some ex-Muslims in Britain, the prospect of rejection by their family and community means they mask their rejection of the faith and hide their relationships, writes Taz Ali

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When Anisha, a bright, 25-year-old Oxford graduate, broke up with her boyfriend of five years, she felt relieved - she had managed to keep the entire relationship hidden from her strict Bengali Muslim family. Sneaking out and lying to her parents had become an ordeal, but it didn't end with the break-up of her first serious relationship. Anisha had an even bigger secret she was hiding from her family since she was a child – that she no longer identified as a Muslim.

Although moderate Muslims have worked to change perceptions, renouncing faith – otherwise known as “apostasy” – remains deeply taboo in Western Muslim communities. Anisha is one of potentially thousands of ex-Muslims in Britain, many of whom grew up in the UK but remain in the closet about their apostasy, fearing rejection and isolation if they “come out” to their families.

The number of this small minority is unknown and poorly researched, says Terri O’Sullivan, apostate services development officer at Faith to Faithless, an organisation that helps people who are leaving or have left religion. She estimates that they could number in the hundreds of thousands, but that their invisibility “makes them more vulnerable”.

O’Sullivan says thousands have reached out to the organisation to discuss love and relationships with other peers. “It’s what we talk about more than anything else, our connections with other people and how those are strained because of religious tensions. Some relationships get stronger as a result, but most relationships can’t survive that level of difficulty.”