Bottle jobs: the madness of water, water everywhere

As a Booker Prize-winning author labels today's obsession with slaking our thirst 'deranged', Helen Coffey looks at why hydration routines are the next big generational divide

- Helen Coffey

As I write these words, I am all too aware of a benign but looming presence on my desk beside me. She's always there, at the edge of my vision: a 1.5 litre - it would be fair to call her “giant”- reusable plastic bottle I have nicknamed “Big Bertha” on account of her heft and volume. She started off as a kind of joke, a fun way to encourage me to chug a bit more H2O during the day. This is largely thanks to her “made in China, purchased in Asda" design, resulting in badly translated messages next to accompanying time stamps along one side. "9AM FEELING BULLISH", reads one; "11AM MIND YOUR GOAL", states another. And, my personal favourite, "3PM KEEP CHALLENGE".

But what started as something frivolous has become a way of life. I now take Big Bertha everywhere I go, despite her unwieldy girth. I feel mildly panicked if I don't have access to her at any given point during the day, and supremely disappointed in myself if I don't manage to "KEEP CHALLENGE" and imbibe her contents in full within each allotted 16-hour period. If I do forget her, there's every chance I'll buy a disposable water bottle on the move. I've gone from being someone who rarely thought about thirst to believing that feeling mildly parched is nothing short of unendurable.

Perhaps, on reflection, I'm living proof that Ian McEwan is right – and that the modern obsession with water bottles is “deranged”. The British Booker Prizewinning novelist and screenwriter made the comment at this year's Cheltenham Literature Festival, reports The Telegraph, pointing to a generational divide that's been hidden in plain sight for the past few years.