English cricket meets Spinal Tap as Key flunks autopsy

England's director of cricket is the perfect pundit to assess his own shortcomings but his Ashes postmortem is eerily reminiscent of the spoof documentary

- Barney Ronay

Rob Key was being grilled at the MCG, venue for the Boxing Day Test

“It's such a fine line between stupid and clever.” David St Hubbins, lead vocalist, Spinal Tap.

“There's a real difference between aggressive and dumb.” Rob Key, managing director, England cricket.

Listening to Rob Key deliver the latest four-yearly away Ashes autopsy deep in the grey concrete underworld of the Melbourne Cricket Ground, it was tempting at first to conclude that what we have here is a basic category mistake.

A pundit is punditing his own mistakes. A fluent, interesting broadcaster is offering fluent, interesting observations about the collapse of an England tour that he, the fluent, interesting broadcaster, oversaw. And concluding, you know what, I probably did OK in the end.

So maybe this is the thing.

The England and Wales Cricket Board has mistakenly hired a broadcaster. It has confused cause and effect, presentation and delivery. The Honey Monster has been put in charge of global puffed rice production.

Except, after an hour of mild filler laced with the odd hidden mea culpa, this had begun to feel more like sensible planning. England's prep for this tour has been all about horses for courses. Bashir for Adelaide. Wood for Perth. Here we had another specialist selection: Key for the basement defeat-explainer. In Rob Key the ECB hired the perfect person to explain the mistakes of Rob Key. This was his moment to execute.

Ideally another Rob Key could now be wheeled out to pontificate on Rob Key pontificating on Rob Key. A further layer, Rob Key cubed, could produce a clippable podcast segment on the Rob Key evisceration of Rob Key on Rob Key. And we can just drill endlessly upwards, away from the detail not towards it, into a place where nobody has to answer any real questions or carry anything resembling a can. At least, not yet.