The Christmas pocket list

A short story by Caroline Roberts

- Caroline Roberts

It was meant to put him in the Christmas spirit; a bit of festive shopping. Only 10 minutes in, and already the tinny jingle-bell music welcoming him at every store plus Wizzard pounding out / Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday over the mall's Tannoy-style speakers were feeling like an ironic assault on his senses.

Glittering tinsel and bauble-laden displays. The festive season was declaring its arrival, brash and bold, in every shop window and on every shelf.

He found himself stood next to a mountain of socks and striped woollen scarves, wondering which his now grownup son might like. None of them, flashed to mind. Alfie wasn’t 80, in fact he wasn’t that long past 18. He was into hiking and biking, and music playing blaringly loud ... and girls. Hiking socks? His brain was still trying. Still trying to make sense of something that hadn't made sense at all over seven years ago now.

It was no good. Perhaps he’d look for a coffee shop, grab a cup of something soothing, give himself a bit of space. A coffee might straighten him out, or wire him further, but it was worth a try. If no fitting gifts came to mind, then he’d head on home. There was always the internet.

He was walking past the perfume counter when it hit him. A blast of delicate roses in bloom and a hint of fresh citrus ... Kate. A well-groomed saleswoman was asking if he’d like to try, holding out the scent bottle and a paper stick. He pursed his lips into a fake smile as he dashed on by.

Kate, in all her vivacious glory, the sun in her straw-blonde hair, freckles dappled over her pale, beautiful skin — skin that he'd touched so many times. Her oh so soft, peachy lips that he’d kissed, over and over. They'd had years of practice after all. No more.

Yet all the while they’d imagined they would have years more, that they would be able to grow old together.