Gloss over a Matt finish

REMEMBER a show called Clive James On Television? The legendary critic would show us clips of strange TV programmes from all over the world and encourage us to titter at how terrible they were.

- Mike Ward

In later years, Chris Tarrant took over, and a relatively recent revival had Jeremy Clarkson at the helm, but immediately after Clive, for just one series, "... On Television" was hosted, bizarrely, by wine-slurping TV chef Keith Floyd.

Admittedly, Floyd didn't slurp his way through this one, not like he did on his brilliantly eccentric cooking shows. Even so, it was

clearly a ridiculous choice - a reminder that the TV execs who make these appointments sometimes haven't a clue.

Floyd was one of my all-time TV heroes but to hire him for a show like this made about as much sense as asking him to host Blue Peter or Newsnight.

Bless him, he was awful. The