BEACHCOMBER 108 YEARS OLD AND STILL MINDING HIS LANGUAGE....

HOSTILITIES have erupted between two of the leading figures in the English-speaking world: the Apostropher Royal, Sir D'Anville O'M'Darlin' and Lady Ampersandra Notwith-Standing, the Ombudswoman for Conjunctions.

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Lady Ampersandra is, of course, also the head of The Office for Supernumerary Prepositions, commonly known as OffOf, and it is in that role that she has announced plans to impose a 50 per cent tariff on imported prepositions. It is believed the French “de” and the Irish “O” in names such as D'Anville and O'M'Darlin' will be subject to the tariff. As the Apostropher Royal has made clear in anti-social media posts, he views this as a personal affront but insists his objections are objective.