From duty to connection

How fatherhood has changed across generations, from reverence in silence to love through presence

- JANE KINGSU-CHENG

I don't remember much about my grandparents—they passed away when I was barely 10. But I do remember how my parents were with their own fathers. It wasn't the kind of relationship where you sat down and talked a lot, but it was filled with reverence, expressed more through actions than words.

Back in the post-war era between 1945 and the 1960s, when my parents were born, families typically had an average of six to seven children, according to World Bank data. Life was simpler then, but households were bigger, and parents were constantly occupied with raising their kids. Fathers focused on earning, hopefully, just enough to put food on the table. By the time they got home, they were already worn out from the day's work.

There was little time or energy left for connection. And if there was time to bond, it usually happened over shared meals. After all, how could a father carve out one-on-one time when there were six children to care for?