Relationship reflection: Is it 'just sex'?

True sexual freedom means having the right not to participate - without shame or judgment

- Emmanuel Oboh

First, I must admit that I might be out of my depth here — these are simply personal musings about life as I currently understand it. I welcome responses and critiques, which I would take seriously.

Now in my late twenties, conversations about sex and relationships have become more common among my friends. One recurring question we debate is — who has it easier when it comes to dating or finding a partner for sex?

To be clear, I recognise that relationships exist in many diverse forms, far beyond the traditional, monogamous, heterosexual model.

I don't claim to fully grasp the nuances of every type of relationship. For the sake of focus, however, this reflection concerns relationships between maleand female-presenting individuals.

I used to believe that female-presenting individuals had it easier when it came to dating, largely because they typically aren't expected to initiate interactions or make the first move. In many cases, it seems they just need to dress up and show up and there will be no shortage of people vying for their attention.

Of course, I now recognise that this perception is heavily shaped by "pretty privilege", which disproportionately benefits conventionally attractive women.

A friend once challenged my view by pointing out that this dynamic — being pursued rather than pursuing — can be disempowering. It places women in the passive position of waiting to be chosen which, upon reflection, doesn't sound empowering at all.

Some of my female-presenting friends argue that men, particularly heterosexual men, have it easier. They are seen as the ones who do the choosing and, crucially, enjoy broader social backing for their behaviour.

For example, a man who has multiple sexual partners is often celebrated or, at the very least, not judged harshly — whereas a woman who does the same is frequently shamed.