We stopped pretending

I NOTICED HOW HIS WARM BROWN EYES MADE ME FEEL SEEN

- BY LAWRENCE EVERETT FORBES

ALICE YU DENG For The Times

I STILL THINK about the night before I left Los Angeles — the way Matt and I finally stopped pretending we were just friends and how his pit bull, Jesus, slept curled at the edge of the bed while we held each other, fully clothed, knowing we were out of time. It wasn’t a grand ending. There were no fireworks, no cinematic declarations. Just the quiet hum of the city outside and two people trying to stretch a single night into forever.

I had met Matt years earlier, back when I first moved to Los Angeles and the city seemed determined to break me. I'd been apartment hunting for months, a process that had devolved into a series of small humiliations. Landlords’ smiles would fade the instant they saw my brown face. The decent apartments — ones with working showers or a refrigerator — were always “just rented.” The ones I could actually get were dark, smelly or unsafe.

I was starting to think I'd made a mistake leaving New York. Then my friend Shannon sent me a Craigslist listing that looked — miraculously — normal. “Hollywood/Little Armenia,” she read. “Centrally located. Two blocks from the 101.” The rent wasn’t outrageous. The photos didn’t make me shudder. I pulled out my Thomas Guide, traced the route to Lexington Avenue and drove there with more hope than I wanted to admit.

The building exceeded my expectations. It was white, midcentury, with quirky castle-like touches that gave it personality. The street was alive with Armenian markets and mom-and-pop bakeries. For the first time since arriving in L.A., I could picture myself living somewhere that felt like a community.