Hol hell as my girl flirted with stags

MY girl was a selfish nightmare on our recent holiday.

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If she wasn’t flirting with waiters, she was parading around the pool in the tiniest bikini.

Her boobs are now so big after two breast enlargements her itsy-bitsy top barely contained them.

On the fifth day she hooked up with a gang of lads on a stag break and become obsessed with following them around. I was left reading my book as she matched them drink-for-drink at the swim-up bar.

Unfit

Booking an all-inclusive package probably wasn’t a great idea but how was I to know she was going to go wild?

If she wasn’t schmoozing with other guys, she was slagging ME off for being unfit and boring.

She'd scan the dining room and huff: “Look at him. Why can’t you be buff and hot like that fella?” I was left feeling as attractive as last week’s paella.