Real men don't...

There are too many rules. Let’s just stop. Men can be softer, vulnerable, more comfortable with the idea of reaching out to others. A new generation is already showing the way

- Charles Assisi

There is a kind of man who doesn’t explain himself. Who shows up, keeps things moving; says little, feels less, and never admits weakness. People see him as strong.

A psychologist once told me I come across like that. “The Marlboro Man,” he said.

I thought that was quite a compliment. Looking back now (as no Marlboro Man would ever do), I have begun to wonder.

In my malleable years, I was taught that men don't cry. They keep their emotions close and apologies closer. They use words sparingly to earn respect.

I built my identity around being solid, by these definitions. I don’t do sentimental. I show affection through presence, not praise. I apologise only when I've clearly done something wrong. I always thought of this as rational and fair.

Then my gym buddy, Dr Rahul Chavan, told me about a ritual he follows. “Every night before I sleep,” he said, “I turn to my wife and say: ‘If I hurt you today, or made you feel neglected, or didn’t see you, I'm sorry. You're the most precious person in my life.’”