I thought I would always have depression and anxiety.Then I went off hormonal birth control.

I was calmer and happier than I'd been in years.

- By Julia Lurie

This was puzzling, since my life didn't look particularly calm. I was planning a solo cross-country move, and my days were full of bubble wrap and goodbye dinners and Craigslist alerts. But as I packed up boxes in Boston, and then adjusted to life in San Francisco, I marveled at the little changes. Feeling content, rather than lonely, on nights cooking a new recipe by myself. Pausing to chat with baristas instead of rushing to order a latte. I couldn't remember crying out of happiness before, but there I was on a morning walk, eyes welling at the way the sun hit a cypress tree. Friends and family said I seemed lighter. As the summer progressed, I wrote journal entries like, "felt relaxed/happy a lot of the day for no particular reason" and "surprised by how ok I am."

Since I was a teenager, I've grappled with a tangle of anxiety, depression, and insomnia: feeling a knot at the base of my ribs, weeping in the fetal position for no obvious reason, waking up in the middle of the night, simultaneously exhausted and wired. Over the years, I have, as therapists like to say, amassed the tools in my toolbox. I've spent countless hours with psychiatrists and therapists, gravitating toward cool grandma types, taking their advice to cultivate a mindfulness practice. I've talked to my actual grandma, a vivacious 102-year-old psychologist who has a way of asking pointed questions over breakfast. (On insomnia: "Does sex help?") I've tried Prozac and Zoloft and Ambien. I run a few miles every day after work—the best mood booster I've found so far. I've even tried some of the more out-there stuff, like working with a coach to ask my stomach why it's so tense.

But when the knot and the crying jags and the inexplicably wired nights persisted, I came to think of them as just how I was built. In the same way that I have dark hair and brown eyes, I thought, I was a person with a low hum of anxiety and bouts of depression.