What is Eldest Daughter Syndrome? And Why Do We Expect So Much From Eldest Sisters?

A boundaries expert explains how to cope with the burden of being the eldest daughter

- Megan Wallace

If you have been online at all recently, there is a chance you would have seen a meme or two describing the unique struggles of being an ‘eldest daughter’ or ‘oldest sister’. From jokes about ‘oldest daughters on their way to solve everyone’s problems because no-one else will do it,’ to comedians acting out an ‘oldest daughter hotline’ to ‘support you while you support everybody else’, videos on social media unpacking the unique level of responsibility that comes with being the eldest female sibling are a major hit online. But what exactly is eldest daughter syndrome?

WHAT IS ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME?

While the corresponding hashtag has amassed a huge quantity of views—big sister syndrome exists IRL and not just via URL. While this is not a psychological condition or officially recognised label, the consensus seems to be that being an eldest daughter or oldest female sibling generally equates to picking up the mental load for the family (read: being on top of planning any events or outings and ensuring that the household runs smoothly), doing emotional labour for the family, and undertaking domestic labour too. Basically, a huge level of responsibility for a child or adolescent—especially when the other siblings aren’t expected to do the same.