Separation Anxiety How To Co-Parent Kindly

Common causes of conflict and how to avoid them

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Parenting can be stressful at the best of times – and even more so after separation. Family Dispute Resolution mediator, counsellor and Parenting Through Separation facilitator Karen Allsop shares her top strategies for smoothing the path.

1“Our parenting agreement is so general, it actually causes more arguments”

A parenting agreement that is vague and open to interpretation spells trouble. For example: “Sally will spend Mother’s Day with her mother and Father’s Day with her father.” As Mother’s Day approaches, Dad decides he wants to drop Sally off at midday after spending time with his own mother, but Mum has arranged a champagne breakfast with her side of the family. Discussion and negotiation is then required, opening the door for conflict.

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Make your written parenting agreement crystal clear – e.g. “Sally will spend from 10am to 5pm on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day with the relevant parent.” Misunderstanding eliminated. The more detailed and comprehensive care arrangements are, the better for everyone, especially your child.

2“We argue in front of the kids at changeovers and they get upset”

Face-to-face conflict is most likely to happen at changeovers. A co-parent who won’t respond to email requests, a child support payment that hasn’t been made – changeovers are often the only opportunity to talk to the other parent about niggles and complaints.

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