Parks And Consternation

Masterton’s unpalatable parklets have locals ranting and raging under a blazing hot sun.

- Greg Dixon

The world, my friends, has gone to hell in a hat. Donald J Trump, a cross between a comb-over and a brain injury, has driven the entire US government into an existential crisis. Meanwhile, Theresa May – what beige might sound like if it could talk – has impelled her country into a Brexistential crisis. And don’t get me started on Kate versus Meghan. Yet, none of these global crises comes close to the Great Masterton Meltdown.

The new year was barely a week old when our local council sprung the mother of all surprises on us: “parklets”. No, we had no idea what they were either. Evidently, they are small, pop-up parks created by local politicians when they want to generate angry letters to the local newspaper, and wild conspiracy theories.

In its defence, the council says its parklets are only a month-long “experiment”, and part of its broader rejuvenation plan to inject more “life and vibrancy” into Masterton’s centre by better connecting bits of it and giving people more places to feel, well, alive and vibrant.