Letting Go Of Resentment

Resentment can be a bitter feeling, steeping you in darkness, tension and pain. But there is a soothing elixir that can help — forgiveness. For those struggling through resentment, here is a psychology-backed guide to letting go of hard feelings.

- Rebecca Howden

There’s an old saying that holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Resentment, that bitter feeling of injustice, the feeling that you have been wronged, can be a deeply painful experience. It can feel like a quiet rage smouldering slowly inside of you. It can manifest as tension, gripping your muscles and twisting your insides. And it can lock you into an obsessive feedback loop, as your mind replays the same thoughts and memories over and over, and the resentment, in turn, grows.

Put simply, holding on to resentment is exhausting. It drains emotional energy that can be better spent elsewhere. Learning to let go is a freeing gift you can give yourself, and it can benefit not just your mood and relationships, but your health and wellbeing too.

The tangled knot of resentment

“Resentment is a complex emotion,” says Tamara Cavenett, a clinical psychologist and president of the Australian Psychological Society. “It’s often defined as anger or indignation that you experience as a result of some sort of perceived unfair treatment by someone else. But underneath it there’s often feelings of hurt or disappointment, or even fear.”

It’s a natural human experience and we’ve all felt it. Strands of resentment can come from any number of situations — some big, some small. Some common themes are feeling overlooked or unseen, feeling betrayed, being criticised or humiliated, feeling used or taken advantage of or feeling that someone else (often less deserving than you) has something you want.