Let's Talk About Sex

Ajay Kalra discloses his journey in accepting his sexual self and overcoming indulgence through yoga and creativity

- Ajay Kalra

When I thought of writing this article, it wasn’t about sex; it was about self-judgment. But when I delved deeper into my motivation for writing it, I realised it was self-judgment of my past sexual behaviour. It also occurred to me that most people shy away from talking about sex or accepting their sexual desires as normal which is unfortunate because if it wasn’t for sex, we wouldn’t be here.

When I first heard the word ‘sex’ as a schoolboy, I was fascinated to know what it was. I opened my small Oxford pocket dictionary and found the following definitions:

• Either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and many other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions.
• Physical contact between individuals involving sexual stimulation, sexual activity or behaviour, sexual intercourse, copulation.

Of these, I found the second definition more exciting: ‘sexual stimulation,’ ‘sexual activity,’ and ‘sexual intercourse.’ As a nine-year-old, I had no idea what all of this was, but it somehow seemed to do with something pleasurable, hidden, and secretive.

‘Learning’ through porn

Most of my sex education (miseducation) happened through pornography. It evoked the ‘pleasurable, hidden, and secretive’ button in me. Masturbation was a natural outcome of engaging with the part of my body that gave pleasure. Pornography and masturbation would consume most of my life, but I did not know it as a schoolboy.

Nobody ever sat me down and discussed sex. The closest I came to sex education was a single chapter on