It's Raining Men

Tired of settling for unsatisfying monogamy with dead-end dudes, writer Rebecca Andrews stepped out of her comfort zone and into the world of ‘circular dating’

- Rebecca Andrews

Forget dating. Let me send you to Brazil so you can get pregnant to a local. You can’t meet anyone, so just go and have a kid.’’ These great words of advice were from my mother. So faithless was she in my ability to find a decent boyfriend, she was threatening weekly to send me overseas to get knocked up by a handsome stranger. She was mostly kidding. But mostly not. And I agreed with her that something had to change.

At 37, I’d had my fair share of relationship messes. My recent ex was an unemployed life coach living in his mum’s spare room (that irony rang no bells at the time). He ticked exactly zero boxes, but he was funny and liked cats and soft cheeses, and thought that The Golden Girls should have a remake (same), so we kept at it. I wasted a whole year ignoring the obvious.

Before him was a smooth-talking American on a 12-month visa, a Swede who didn’t want kids, a beautiful French accountant. It was a long list of men offering relationships going nowhere, other than through customs.

And I was sick of it. It’s not that I was desperate for the kids and picket fence right away, but I had become tired of the meaningless merry-go-round. I wanted a partner who was here for a good time and a long time.

I’m not generally one to take advice from supermodels, but I read something Miranda Kerr said about dating just before she hooked up with her Snapchat billionaire hus-bae: be positive, let the guy chase, feel good about yourself and date multiple men simultaneously – unashamedly – until you find the right one.

It was, the story told me, a reference to a technique called Circular Dating. I googled, and discovered it’s a term coined by relationship expert Rori Raye in her e-book Have The Relationship You Want. The how-to has since sprung up into a lifestyle movement, spawning blogs, instructional YouTube videos and an army of faithful disciples.