Time to talk about CARE?

One woman reveals how grateful she is to have discussed it early with her father

- KATE CHAPMAN

Talking to loved ones about care is daunting, but it's an important conversation to have, says Nicola Buckley, who discussed the options available with her dad, and is urging others to do the same. Nicola, 52, from Surrey, began talking about care with her dad Ricky, 79, in 2018, when she realised he wasn't able to look after himself. She is pleased she did, as it has led to a better quality of life for him.

Ricky now has a weekly 12-hour care package, through private firm Home Instead. He receives help with food prep, laundry, cleaning, companionship and walks from his main caregiver Suzy, who visits for up to a couple of hours six days a week, while Nicola is there to cover Sundays. 'Every situation is unique, but you have to approach it in a way that is palatable for your loved one,' says Nicola, whose older brother lives in Australia. 'I made mistakes - I tried to get my dad to go to day centres, but that was too much for him. For us to talk about care, I had to find a time when both of us were feeling in a good way, and it wasn't an emergency situation.'

Nicola found that the best way was telling him this was his choice, on his terms, and she found he was receptive to that. 'Nobody wants to feel like they have no control over their own life,' she says.