How to get what you want in 2023

Fed up with not putting yourself first? Start the new year being more assertive

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If you’ve ever said ‘yes’ to an invite when you wanted to say ‘no’, or stayed quiet when someone pushed in front of you in a queue, you may lack assertiveness. ‘So many women have a phobia of being perceived as rude,’ says Rebecca Reid, author of The Power Of Rude: A Woman’s Guide To Asserting Herself (£13.99, Trapeze). ‘As a consequence, they don’t know how to be more pushy and often don’t know how to get what they want from life.’ So if your wants, needs and dreams are falling by the wayside, try these techniques.

Quit saying sorry

Apologising when you've made a mistake is a sign of strength. 'But there's a tendency for women to say sorry too much,' says Rebecca. If you cut out all the unnecessary apologies you'll come across as mor assertive. 'Sometimes we say sorry when we really mean thank you. Try saying, "Thank you for your patience," instead of "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting." The person you thank feels appreciated, but you haven't admitted any unnecessary fault.' 

Say 'yes' less