Why your FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE gets smaller - and BETTER

Female friendship is one of life's great joys - but do you have the courage to choose relationships that feel true?

- Martina Polley

Female friendships haven't always come easily to me. A few years into my marriage, long before my divorce, there was a drought period. We were living in the suburbs, and I felt very alone. My husband said, ‘You have to work at friendships, you know.’ I knew I inherently disagreed – it felt conditional. But I also knew I was dying from the isolation. What he was actually saying was, ‘If you want girlfriends, what are you going to do about it?’

I had just begun facilitating women’s workshops, and something unexpected happened. Old friends reappeared, while women on the periphery of my life started showing up. The vulnerability of our sharing in those spaces deepened our connection. The more I opened up, the more I found women willing to meet me there.

I started spending time with a select few women again, one on one, and my female friendships blossomed. Now in my 40s, I’ve sifted and sorted and can say I have rich, nourishing bonds with women whose values mirror my own – women who are open to the mystery of life, growth and celebration.

In my journey of reclaiming female friendship, some relationships ended. I’ve chosen not to write about them here. There is no clear script on how to end a friendship with compassion and integrity – friendships are not as culturally ‘front and centre’ as romantic relationships, and we rarely enter them anticipating an ending. I’m not proud of the way I handled those endings. I both shied away from conflict and was bitingly straightforward.

Something happens as you mature: Your time and energy feel more precious, and you gravitate towards those you feel truly at home with. I share this piece as an invitation to you, the reader, to honour that knowing, to be true to yourself, and to seek out friends you love and who love you back unconditionally.

FRIENDSHIP IS A CHOICE