Time to share the load

While it's hard to articulate, the invisible mental load many women carry is a heavy burden to bear. But you can find a way to have the others in the household pick up the emotional slack.

- ASHLEIGH AUSTEN

Book the dentist, chase up the insurance claim, plan the shopping, order a gift, and remember to water the plants before going away for the weekend.

The list never ends – and for many women, it runs silently in the background of their minds every hour of the day.

This unseen burden has a name: The mental load. It's the constant thinking, planning and anticipating required to keep a household running smoothly, the invisible glue holding families together.

“The mental load is the seemingly never-ending to-do list we constantly carry around in our heads,” explains Dr Morgan Cutlip, a psychologist and the author of A Better Share.

“It's made up of primarily invisible tasks. That makes it hard to explain to partners, hard to hand off, and hard to receive appreciation for. On top of that, it crowds out space in our brains that could be used for peace, patience – or just remembering where you put your keys.”

The invisible weight

According to Leah Ruppanner, Professor of Sociology and Founding Director of The Future of Work Lab and the Gender Equity Initiative at the University of Melbourne, the mental load is not just anecdotal – it's measurable.

“Our research finds that women hold 71 per cent of the cognitive labour tasks associated with the domestic sphere,” she says. “That's a huge imbalance. Even though fathers are doing more housework and childcare than in previous generations, we haven't equalised the mental load. Women are still absorbing its bulk.”

This imbalance, Professor Ruppanner explains, has profound consequences – not only for women's wellbeing, but for relationships, families, and communities.

“When women don't get relief from the load, they burn out,” she says. “We also know from our research that in countries where women have more power, everyone sleeps better. Taking care of women takes care of us all.”

More than chores