STREAM COME TRUE

If a famous influencer you wish to be, you must answer these questions three.

- PAUL FORD

MY SON AND I were out for a walk when he told me he wanted to be a streamer when he grows up. He's 11. I instantly grew a long and bushy beard.

"Son," I said, "there are many things to know before you can stream."

"Father," he said, "you have already told me these things. You have told me that I must learn to use OBS, the Open Broadcaster Software, and become familiar with the Twitch community guidelines. You have told me that I must set up my 'scenes' ahead of time and make sure that my room is acoustically balanced before I spend too much on microphones. I know I can do all of that. And I believe that the people of the world wish to watch me play Luigi's Mansion 3."

"Beloved child," I said, "I've spent a lifetime producing content for the internet, and I have seen the streamers come and go. I have watched the baking streams, the synthesizer and Eurorack streams, the piano skills streams, the headphone aficionado streams, the antique toy restoration streams-and, yes, the makeup and gaming streams, with their hundreds of millions of views. I have seen bakers stare into the camera in anguish and say, "There is a terrible problem in the fondant community. These things I have witnessed and more. So I would not have you become a streamer. But if you must, I will teach you about the Three Questions of Streaming."

"I await your counsel," said my son, realistically.

"First question: What are your brands?"

I could see that my son was confused. "Well, I like Nintendo-"

"No, my Beloved Pumpkin. You may think you are playing a video game on the internet. But that is an illusion. In truth you are a tiny data point at the intersection of vast brands. And you must give the brands what they want."

"What is that?"

"Transactions. When you start a stream, a transaction is taking place inside of Twitch, which is within Amazon. When a person sends you a message in the stream, that is also a transaction.