Guarding Singapore against the slow drift towards a mean society

In a hostile world that's quick to judge and slow to listen, building social cohesion needs more than laws, tolerance and understanding.

- Mubin Saadat

The crowd was scattered and movements brisk at Tokyo's bustling, well-lit metro station. We were a family of five - large by today's standards - fixated on overhanging screens, puzzling over the Shinkansen schedules to Osaka. A middle-aged man approached us, unprompted. He began explaining, even as he wrestled earnestly with English for a good 10 minutes as he took our questions. It felt like he wouldn't leave until we were sure.

On another night, along the cool, neon-lit streets of Ginza, a gentleman caught us fumbling a wefie attempt. Without hesitation, he offered to take the picture. But what followed was more than a simple gesture of kindness. As he handed back my phone, he struck up a conversation that led to something richer. What had begun as an offer of help turned into an unexpected personal conversation between strangers from different lands.

Perhaps, we were just lucky. But as many seasoned travellers would attest, Japanese society is known for its hospitality and graciousness - a deep-rooted culture. For those 10 days from Tokyo to Osaka to Kyoto, the goodwill felt ambient. It seemed at odds in a country known for crushing work schedules and struggles with mental health and work-life balance. And yet, there it was.

The experience was breathtaking perhaps because, in many other places, it has become the exception rather than the norm. For more of us, estrangement is becoming a default mode, where our social instincts have dulled under the weight of busyness or sheer indifference. Public life feels more transactional, neighbourly gestures more hesitant.

THE SLOW DRIFT APART The findings from a recent Institute of Policy Studies survey showed that the number of close friends that Singaporeans have has shrunk over the past six years, from 10.67 on average in 2018 to 6.49 in 2024. It also showed that younger people aged 18 to 35 were more likely to have fewer close friends compared with their older peers.