Are you a 'flaky friend'? You may need to take care of yourself first

Frequent last-minute cancellations may signal a struggle with setting boundaries. A bit of self-awareness can go a long way.

- Lianne Chia

It was weeks of coordinating different schedules. My husband and I had agreed to host a group of friends for a small lunch gathering. Then, we agreed to also show up for a dinner with extended family—with a toddler and baby in tow—because that was also the only time everyone could make it.

We also had to catch an early morning flight the next day—and we hadn't started packing yet. Clearly, we had overcommitted. As the hours went by, the temptation to back out of our plans only increased.

As a journalist who used to cover breaking news, I was used to giving my friends advance warning about the occasional last-minute cancellation due to a sudden news event. I was equally accustomed to my friends in the industry doing the same to me.

But backing out of plans at the last minute for no reason other than simply being too tired, or no longer feeling up to it, was something I'd never considered a socially acceptable reason, much less one that I'd expect my friends to understand.

Until now.

THE RISE OF SOCIAL FLAKING

Introverts like me probably know the feeling: that sense of impending dread as the time comes for us to fulfil our social obligations—and we wonder why we even agreed to make these plans in the first place. Inertia to leave the house takes hold, and we may even secretly hope our friends back out first.

It has spawned several memes on social media, like one which talks of the "sweet sweet relief at not having to leave your house" when a friend cancels at the last minute.

In fact, "flaking", or the cancelling of social plans, often at the last minute, seems to have become increasingly prevalent in recent years. And stating outright that you're simply not in the mood to meet up seems to have become an excuse that one expects friends to understand and accept in the name of "self-care".

This was a phenomenon highlighted in a recent article by