Finding the right person

Two former college classmates met by chance.

- FRANCIS J. KONG

One look, and they were back in the days when adulthood felt as simple as choosing between Coke and Pepsi.They found a café, ordered espresso and caught up on life. After a while, one asked, “So... how come you still haven't married?”

His friend sighed. “To be honest, I spent years looking for the perfect woman.”

He explained, “In Barcelona, I met a woman who was beautiful and intelligent. For a moment I thought, ‘This is it!’ But she was terribly vain.

Then in Boston, I met someone outgoing and generous. I thought, ‘Here is the perfect woman.’ But later, I realized she was flighty and irresponsible.

So I kept searching... until one day I met her — beautiful, intelligent, kind, generous, funny. Perfect. The woman of my dreams.”

His friend leaned in. “Well then, what happened?”

The man took a sip and replied, “I soon discovered... she was looking for the perfect man.”

That punchline is funny until you realize it’s also painfully true.

The real problem with looking for the “perfect partner” is not that good people are rare. The problem is that the hunt for perfection can become a convenient way to avoid self-reflection. Some say they want “the right person,” but what they really want is someone who meets all their expectations while making very few demands on them.

They want someone emotionally stable when they are moody, forgiving when they keep records and spiritually mature when they resist correction.