WHY SAFE EMOTIONAL SPACES ARE ESSENTIAL FOR BOYS – AND HOW TO BUILD THEM

IN SOUTH Africa, where strength is often mistaken for silence, boys are still growing up with the message that “real men don't cry”.

- VUYILE MADWANTSI

From the playground to the classroom, many boys are told to “man up” instead of being encouraged to express their emotions.

This silent pressure builds over time, leading to emotional suppression, mental health struggles, and in some cases, harmful behaviour.

As we observe International Mental Health Month and the International Day of the Boy Child, it’s time to ask ourselves: Are we giving our boys the safe emotional spaces they need to thrive?

Boys are not born emotionally closed off, society teaches them to be. Without safe environments to talk, process feelings, or seek help, many suffer in silence.

Because when we allow boys to feel, we allow them to heal and we start to break the cycle for the next generation.

This is a chance to challenge outdated notions of masculinity and explore how we, as a society, can nurture safe spaces where boys feel free to express themselves.

How patriarchal norms affect boys

While much of the conversation about gender equality focuses on the harm patriarchy causes women and girls, its impact on boys often goes unnoticed.

Boys are burdened by societal expectations that discourage emotional expression, leaving them ill-equipped to process and communicate their feelings.

"After working closely, for around 13 years, with hundreds of boys and men, what stands out for me is a lack of fundamental competencies on how to identify and deal with our emotions," explains Jaco van Schalkwyk, founder of The Character Company (TCC), a South African non-profit that works with boys who have absent fathers.

"There’s a longstanding lack of emotional literacy passed from father to son, not just the lack of safe spaces, but the scarcity of words to express challenging emotions."