Old school rules mean friendship thoughts benched

As the mother of small children, weekends are generally spent with my derri ère parked on a wooden primary school bench.

- Carrie Carlisle

A pastime which is every bit as uncomfortable as it sounds.

But it’s not just the numb bum aspect of being a parental spectator that makes the experience painful.

It's sitting so very close to a load of adults that I don’t know.

All staring straight ahead, pretending we are not all in such intimate proximity.

Whilst simultaneously planning our food shop and having an existential crisis.

You know, like Americans do, at bars, in every single Netflix drama ever created.

We check our phones, stare into space, and do pretty much anything except making polite conversation.

Because none of us want to run the risk of being trapped in stilted chitchat for the next 45 minutes.

There's only so much small talk a person can muster at 8am on a Saturday morning.

What school your kid goes to. Which year they are in. Do you know such-and-such.

And isn't the weather terribly hot/terribly cold/ terribly changeable.