Reality TV made me confront something about my partner

Independent’s agony aunt Victoria Richards is here to help

- 

Dear Vix,

I’m obsessed with ‘Married at First Sight’ Australia, but the episode I watched recently - in season 12 ~ has really affected me.

It was the one featuring one of the show’s strongest couples, Carina and Paul, who I'd previously seen as the perfect model of a new relationship: strong, committed, with clear sexual chemistry and constant affirmation and validation of each other.

But now their whole future has been thrown into question, because Paul got jealous and punched a hole through a door, after he heard Carina talking about how she'd slept with a famous rapper.

The show experts have taken it extremely seriously - they told him it was “unacceptable behaviour” and seemed to be comparing it to domestic violence. They even threatened to kick him off the show.

My question is: is this domestic abuse? Because if it is, then I am a victim in my current relationship. My partner smashes plates, punches walls, and he once even hurt himself because he was so worked up about something.

I have never, ever thought of it as being abusive, because I have never been attacked – but it's true that it frightens me and makes me cry. In those moments (which are rare), he screams at me for crying and says I am only making it (him) worse. So now I just shut up, for fear of making him even more angry.