My missionary dad abused hundreds of boys - finally, I can see who he really was

Some of my earliest memories are of watching my father surrounded by the boys who attended the Christian camps he ran.

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And as they laughed together in the sunshine, I can remember feeling confused. He seemed fun, charming even, so why was I so scared of him?

Growing up, my father John was a successful Queen's Counsel, we lived in a country house in Hampshire, and my mother, Anne looked after me and my two older siblings. Dad was the centre of our world and passionate about his work, leading evangelical camps for teenage boys run by the Iwerne Trust, which students from nearby Winchester College attended as well as regularly visiting our home.

From the outside, we were the perfect family. My father was charismatic, a compelling speaker and influential in the local community. But in private, the atmosphere in our home was volatile and I can never remember a time when I wasn't afraid of him, his rage in particular.

When I was five, we suddenly moved to Zimbabwe. My father said he had been called to do missionary work there and soon started running camps. But while my brother PJ, whom Dad was close to, was allowed to join in with the BBQs and pool parties, my sister and I watched from bedroom windows, keeping a low profile, dismissed as “distractions”.

Dad was always totally uninterested in me. The unspoken message was that women weren’t as intelligent or capable as men and existed purely to support them in their more important work. He frequently told my mother she was stupid and accused anyone who questioned him of being disloyal. As a young child, I felt confused. I didn't even like my father, let alone love him, but thought I must be to blame.

Then, in 1992, a 16-year-old boy was found dead in a swimming pool at one of my father's camps. His name was Guide Nyachuru, and we were told it was a terrible accident. What we did not know, however, was that Dad was subsequently charged with manslaughter. The case eventually collapsed.