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I'm falling for a smoker... but I can't bear his filthy habit

The Independent

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October 16, 2025

The Indy's agony aunt Victoria Richards is here to help

- Victoria Richards

I'm falling for a smoker... but I can't bear his filthy habit

Dear Vix,

I've just met someone amazing (online). We have loads in common and the chat is sparky; I find him interesting and want to know much more about him - plus... I fancy the pants off him. Literally.

But, there’s a snag: he’s a smoker. And I’m not. In fact, it’s not just that I “don’t really like” cigarettes - I can’t bear them. I hate the smell, the taste, the look - I find them physically repulsive and would never want my home or my clothes to stink of smoke. I’m so glad we've got a smoking ban in public places, now. I just wish they'd ban fags completely from public spaces, parks - even pub beer gardens.

As you can tell, I really have a thing about smoking! In fact, I'd say it’s a dealbreaker. But now my “dream date” comes along - and he smokes!

My question is: am I an idiot for not giving him a chance for this one, simple reason? Is it enough of a dealbreaker to sack him off before the relationship has even begun? I'll admit that it feels like my fault - after all, I swiped right on him, despite seeing he'd said “yes” to smoking in his profile - but now that we've actually met, I'm so gutted about it. On our first date we kissed, but I could taste cigarettes. I’m so frustrated! Other than this, he’s perfect!

Is it okay to hope he changes and kicks the habit? Or should I kick him - to the curb?

Non Smoker

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