'I don't necessarily need sex – just emotional proximity'

If you had shown me a snapshot of our relationship now, back when we first met, I would not have imagined in a million years that this is how we would be living. But I am trying not to regret anything. We have two lovely children and they are happy, and that is worth a lot. I try to concentrate on how rewarding and enriching my relationship with them is - rather than on my marriage.

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My wife and I met at work, 20 years ago, and although there was a strong attraction, we didn’t sleep together for 18 months. This was partly because we wanted to forge a friendship first, but also because there was an age gap: I was 36, and 12 years older than her. But we fell for each other. We genuinely loved each other. We both thought we would be together for ever.

I was working as a data analyst, and she earned more than me in her job in sales, so, when we bought a house together a few years later, she contributed most of the deposit. Over the following 10 years or so, I paid more of the mortgage and nursery fees, which was a good arrangement in some ways. But it probably sowed some inequality in the marriage, and morphed into financial tussles revolving around how much we each contributed to the overall cost of things.

Even so, we were very happy and we had a good relationship. We travelled a lot together, going on European city breaks and holidays with friends to France and Spain. We went out to eat a lot, and to lots of concerts and shows, and the emphasis was always on fun.

And when we got married in 2012, it was wonderful. We were really happy, and aligned on most things. But there were tensions: namely that I wanted to start trying for a family sooner rather than later, given the age difference. And also that trying to conceive was really quite difficult. The minute you are “trying” to have a baby, it becomes a mechanical form of sexual activity. Sex becomes emotionally redundant; a functional act. We didn’t talk about it at the time, but we should have communicated more, and that is one of the issues that fundamentally changed things between us.