Can this £6k health check add extra years to your life?

Helen Coffey visits the longevity doctor’ on Harley Street

- 

I always suspected, deep down, that there was something wrong with me. Now, I have proof.

As the shock subsides, I start thinking about how to tell my loved ones. How to break it to them that I have… what was it again? I scroll back through the intimidating 36 pages of blood test results on my screen. Ah yes. “High ferritin levels.”

I might not have known what ferritin was two minutes ago, but a quick consultation with Doctor Google revealed that high levels of it can be caused by iron overload, inflammation, liver disease or – as with every symptom you type into an internet search engine – cancer.

It gets worse. My pancreatic amylase and lipase levels, whatever they are, came out “extremely high”. More googling reveals that elevated lipase levels may “be observed in pancreatitis, peptic ulcer disease, inflammatory bowel disease, alcoholism, kidney or liver disease” and – you guessed it – “pancreatic or stomach cancer.”

I start fantasising about my funeral, Amelie-style; “Gone too soon” will be the uniting cry from the swelling crowds of wailing, inconsolable mourners. Just as I start fleshing out the scene, complete with potential eulogists, a Zoom reminder pops up for my consultation with Dr Philip Borg from the Longevity Doctor clinic. Poor guy; I don’t envy him the task of informing people that their days are numbered. But I’m determined to be stoic in the face of tragedy.

I click on the link and Dr Borg’s smiling face appears. “Hi Helen!” he says brightly – a little too brightly for a man about to deliver crushing, life-changing news. “How are you?”

How am I? Dear God, man – I have high ferritin, pancreatic amylase and lipase levels! How do you think I am?? I smile wanly, waiting for the axe to fall.

“So, I’ve gone through all your results, and you’re generally doing really well,” he says breezily. Wait, what?