'Giles saying I was not selectable damaged me'

Former fast bowler Steven Finn on his candid new book, the lasting mental turmoil that ended his 2013-14 Ashes tour and why England can thrive in Australia this winter

- Donald McRae

"I couldn't get the words out because I was crying," Steven Finn says as he remembers how, hunched over a microphone, he stared at the last lines he was meant to read aloud for the audio version of his raw and revealing new book. Emotion clogged his throat after he had belonged to three Ashes-winning England squads, while never feeling he fulfilled his immense wicket-taking talent, and having ended up lost and broken on the 2013-14 tour of Australia.

Finn tried again but stifled crying choked his reading. He looked up and nodded at the producer. His mouth almost crumpled but, this time, he got through it.

"I learned that the stuff in the book is still raw and emotional, more so than I realised," the amiable and intelligent former fast bowler says now. He maintains eye contact throughout our interview, his honesty matching the book's unflinching tone.

"When you're talking to a therapist, you learn how to not let it extrapolate to a point where it's really bad. But writing the book, and reading it, evoked emotions that still hurt me."

Finn had a fine career, playing 126 times for England across three formats and taking 254 wickets. In his 36 Tests he took 125 wickets. When he retired two years ago, Mike Atherton's tribute included this telling line: "For all the ups and downs, only 24 fast or fast-medium bowlers have taken more Test wickets for England."

But Finn is candid. "A lot of those emotions are still there: embarrassment, shame, letting people down. They remain because I could and should have done a lot more."

The 36-year-old listens intently when I suggest that pride should be his dominant emotion. He nods. "I'm very proud I came back the way that I did. I'm really proud of the resilience. I'm actually a more rounded and better person but reading those last pages meant deep-down emotions came to the surface."