That sinking feeling

The sad Oompa-Loompa at Willy's Chocolate Experience, an elf at a lowrent Lapland, the DJ who tried to save Blobbyland and a fixer at the ill-fated Fyre festival reveal what happened next after four truly disastrous events

- Sam Wollaston

IN FEBRUARY THIS YEAR, Kirsty Paterson was, she says, "a bit lost". At 29, she had worked for an estate agent for five years and hated it. When she was diagnosed with ADHD, she realised a nine-to-five office job was never going to be a good fit. "It's quite hard, because you try to do things like everyone else, and you think: 'Why can I not be as organised?' or 'Why can I not just sit still?' That's the big thing for me." Paterson retrained as a yoga teacher and was building a clientele, doing bits and bobs on the side. She's always loved performing. "I need creativity, I need stimulation, something different every day. Acting is my perfect job: I have no fear in front of crowds, it's something I was born to do." She had done musical theatre and dance, as well as kids' entertainment and performing with fire.

So an ad on the employment site Indeed, looking for performers for a weekend, seemed ideal. She applied, and got a call on a Friday afternoon. "I was expecting an audition. I'd actually been practising stuff with my friends. But they were like: 'You've got the job." They said she needed to be there to collect her script - in an hour. The job would begin the following day - at Willy's Chocolate Experience. Yes, that one...

So Paterson went to the venue in the Whiteinch area of Glasgow, Scotland, and picked up the script, a baffling document that didn't seem to have any connection to Roald Dahl or the Willy Wonka she knew. "It was gibberish, rubbish.

I love the Willy Wonka films, but I was so confused. There was this character called the Unknown. I went home and watched the original film and was like, this doesn't make any sense." She needed the money, though, so the next morning Paterson went to work.