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I worry I don't 'get' romance, but it's important to my husband

The Guardian Weekly

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May 16, 2025

I have been married to my husband for more than 50 years. We married as teenagers and are now in our 70s. We love each other, and are in love.

- Annalisa Barbier

The problem is I don’t appear to have a romantic bone in my body. My husband is romantic, and I either never notice or I think, “What's the point?” I do try, but I know he is disappointed when I don’t “get it”.

My parents didn’t show any signs of romance to each other, nor did I see it in my much older sister’s marriage. I never read romantic novels in my teenage years. Even now, in my extensive reading, any romantic bits are an irritation to me.

I would love to develop this part of myself for my husband’s sake. I just don’t know how. Any ideas?

Almost every week when I discuss that week’s problem with my specialist we ponder on the “why now”, ie why has that person chosen to write in at that moment? Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes it really isn’t. This week’s specialist, UKCP-registered psychotherapist Lorraine Davies-Smith, and I were both curious as to why you were writing in now.

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