Alan puts on a jolly hood show to win Celebrity Traitors

HE forgot he had a shield, laughed like a loon every time someone got banished and couldn't even say "I am a Faithful" without corpsing.

- NICOLA METHVEN

But last night Alan Carr emerged as the unlikely victor in the first ever celebrity version of The Traitors.

And surely there isn't a person in the land who would argue he didn't deserve it.

He started out as a perspiring mass of nerves who looked like he was going to rival former contestant Linda Rands for the speed in which he gave himself away as a Traitor.

"I feel sick. I've got a sweating problem and can't keep a secret," he lamented.

But then, against the odds, he swiftly got to grips with it.

Murdering in plain sight? Not a problem. Paloma Faith, 44, didn't have a clue what had happened as Alan, 49, selected her as his first victim by brushing pollen from a poison lily across her cheek. "I feel awful," he sighed afterwards. "I've gone and murdered one of my best friends."

Of course, he can't have felt that bad because he was soon at it again, with Celia Imrie, marked as his murder victim with a Shakespearean quote during a dinner party.

It has been clear over the episodes that the secret of Alan's success is humour.

JACKPOT

Alan disarmed the whole lot of them, time and time again, by being so amusing with his quips and one-liners that they simply couldn't believe he would ever be involved in the nightly killings. Poor Cat Burns also played a blinder, staying cool, calm and collected throughout, but she was the first to go in last night's finale.

Yes, Alan might have spluttered his way through the "I am a Faithful" pledge in front of amused host Claudia Winkleman last week, leading the nation to think he'd given himself away.