Transgender mothers declare: ‘We are mothers... And we care’

DESPITE a lack of legal protections, and in the face of an increasingly queerphobic national context, these transgender parents in Namibia are making their long-held dreams of having their own children a reality and, in turn, offering these young ones - and others - a loving home.

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A little more than three years ago, a close friend of Ernestine Draghoender confided in her that she was going to give up the child she was expecting for adoption. The disclosure presented Draghoender with an opportunity to fulfil a long-held dream: to have a child of her own.

Draghoender and I are sitting on the terrace of a hotel in Swakopmund, where she is attending a workshop for queer rights activists.

A 40-year-old transgender woman, Draghoender is the executive director of Voice of Hope Foundation, which advocates for the rights of sex workers - a profession she has been in for more than two decades.

Although she says she had, for years, taken care of children in her family, it was largely as a result of her work as a sex worker that her desire to have her own child was fuelled. Draghoender explains that, while living in various homes with other sex workers, she often found herself caring for their children.

Her role as step-in mother was always bittersweet, she says. “I always thought, ‘If only it was mine...’ But yeah, I can’t change biology.”

It was after years of fostering the child of a fellow sex worker that Draghoender was dealt a severe blow.

“I don’t know what happened there,” she says, “But she just came and fetched her child. It hurt so much. That child was raised in that house. When that happened, I came to the decision that I actually want to adopt my own child one day.”

That day came when her friend confided in her and they agreed Draghoender would adopt the child.

“The day he was born, he was put in my care,” she says, before smilingly adding: “He's three years old now. So now I have two sons. The older one, my foster child, is 20 years old.”

Although she says that having a child of her own “was always my desire”, there are challenges - the most significant of which is not being acknowledged, legally, as his mother.