The day I learned a sharp, painful pumpkin lesson

It was my favourite day of the year at the weekend - pumpkin picking - and if you think that's sarcasm, you're absolutely right.

- Steve Canavan

Halloween without children is bliss.

You barely notice it’s happening: eat your tea, watch Netflix, and enjoy a quiet night. Maybe you'll glimpse teenagers in vampire capes who look about to vandalise a bus shelter, but otherwise life is calm.

Add small children, however, and it’s hell.

Halloween isn’t a day anymore; it’s a six-week ordeal. Since late September-and yes, I blame America-shops have been drowning in plastic skeletons and fake cobwebs. Every trip becomes a battle.

"But dad, it's only £11.99,” they plead.

“I'm not paying twelve quid for a plastic spider,’ I reply.